I wonder what your doing. Its 12am- are you still hunched over your proposal, your fingers racking your hair, or are you asleep- resting. Is there someone else in your bed beside you? Do you wrap your arms around her when you sleep, and cradle her into you. Do you fit as well as we did?
I wonder if you found her, does she make you smile like i did? Can you pick her up and swing her around. Does she look up at you with beautiful adoring eyes. Does she make you laugh? And when you make love to her, does your body tingle with pleasure? Every touch sending a tingle down your spine.
I miss the way we made love; gentle, rough, passionate......but wholeheartedly as though pouring every ounce of emotion into each other. sometimes you made me want to cry.........the passion overwhelmed me. I couldnt get enough of you; in the shower, between the sheets, on the window seat.
I miss the pillow talk, and the way we could talk for hours. We planned our future. I had a great one planned out but you were the chocolate sauce- you made it complete, you made it rich. We wanted to do so many things. I wanted to horseride with you and ride quad bikes and see the world through your eyes. We planned holidays and nights out. We even planned to meet your son. The most precious being you knew.
I even miss your doubts, your insecurities, the troubled look you would get sometimes. I wanted to kiss it all away. i loved you so much more than you knew
Was it even real, it seems so vivid, yet so far away now. I wonder where you are. I wonder what your doing. my heart stops for awhile when I think of you. Your incredible.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The missing coin: Part 6
To trust or not to trust.
My last post has left me almost up to date with my sugar journey. From the sexual rendevous and highlife provided to me by Mr Director (my first sugar daddy) to the inbetween sugar which consisted of gifts of various amounts...just for talking to men . Some of these men i have plans to meet in the next week or two.
Meanwhile there is Mr.Coin. My handsome but mysterious executive. The latest unfoldings occcured about two weeks ago when I received the sum total of allowance promised to me for the brief time we entered an arrangement.
He said at the time ' he would pay the amount agreed, but couldnt carry it on any further although he would try'. He then sighed and said the problem is 'he has fallen for me..........and needs strings' He said he doesn't want to lose me and fears by the time his finances sort out it will be too late". I make him 'happy' and 'comfortable'. The problem with his expressions of affection is that "this is what i intend to do for a sugar daddy; my role is to make him 'happy' and to be an escape from the stress of life".
Has he fallen in love with the image I create? Sure its part of me- its the sweet, nurturing, exciting and fun part of me BUT there is also the moody, grumpy, sometimes insecure side of me.
Have I created a fictional character that men 'fall in love with' or is he having me on?Does he just want 'free girfriend sex' as one blogger put it? or is he in love with me?
Pherhaps I have created the ultimate man enticer- the perfect mix of brains, sweetness and hotness- minus the emotion, neediness and insecurity? Afterall my last sugar daddy fell head over heels aswell
WHO does he love, I wonder.......or rather, more accurately---WhAT does he love?
on the flipside- best sex i've had in my life ;). Affectionate, sensual, intense and full of chemistry- that kind that makes you catch your breath...........
My last post has left me almost up to date with my sugar journey. From the sexual rendevous and highlife provided to me by Mr Director (my first sugar daddy) to the inbetween sugar which consisted of gifts of various amounts...just for talking to men . Some of these men i have plans to meet in the next week or two.
Meanwhile there is Mr.Coin. My handsome but mysterious executive. The latest unfoldings occcured about two weeks ago when I received the sum total of allowance promised to me for the brief time we entered an arrangement.
He said at the time ' he would pay the amount agreed, but couldnt carry it on any further although he would try'. He then sighed and said the problem is 'he has fallen for me..........and needs strings' He said he doesn't want to lose me and fears by the time his finances sort out it will be too late". I make him 'happy' and 'comfortable'. The problem with his expressions of affection is that "this is what i intend to do for a sugar daddy; my role is to make him 'happy' and to be an escape from the stress of life".
Has he fallen in love with the image I create? Sure its part of me- its the sweet, nurturing, exciting and fun part of me BUT there is also the moody, grumpy, sometimes insecure side of me.
Have I created a fictional character that men 'fall in love with' or is he having me on?Does he just want 'free girfriend sex' as one blogger put it? or is he in love with me?
Pherhaps I have created the ultimate man enticer- the perfect mix of brains, sweetness and hotness- minus the emotion, neediness and insecurity? Afterall my last sugar daddy fell head over heels aswell
WHO does he love, I wonder.......or rather, more accurately---WhAT does he love?
on the flipside- best sex i've had in my life ;). Affectionate, sensual, intense and full of chemistry- that kind that makes you catch your breath...........
Friday, October 8, 2010
The Missing Coin: Part 5
Spectulations
With the bizzareness of the story to date: I turned to fellow sugarlanders for help.
THe advice offered varied from persons to person: many said he was a douche and to cut my losses, some however thought he was a con artist. Was the coin part of an elaborate plot.?
Like the secret feel of our first meet- was there something more sinister below the surface?
Was the coin real, or just a fake. If it was real, it had to be part of a collection.
Pherhaps he would claim I had stolen it from him ?
Why give me a single coin? If I tried to cash it in, it would surely raise questions? where did i get it from? Maybe it was his ex wifes coin- and thus not traceable to him- pherhaps she wasnt his ex wife.... was he even divorced?
Fellow sugarlanders spectulated and the plot began to get deeper. So what was he?
was he
a) telling the truth
b) A con artist
c) A guy who just wanted a quick shag and pawned me off with a worthless coin when i asked for money.
With the bizzareness of the story to date: I turned to fellow sugarlanders for help.
THe advice offered varied from persons to person: many said he was a douche and to cut my losses, some however thought he was a con artist. Was the coin part of an elaborate plot.?
Like the secret feel of our first meet- was there something more sinister below the surface?
Was the coin real, or just a fake. If it was real, it had to be part of a collection.
Pherhaps he would claim I had stolen it from him ?
Why give me a single coin? If I tried to cash it in, it would surely raise questions? where did i get it from? Maybe it was his ex wifes coin- and thus not traceable to him- pherhaps she wasnt his ex wife.... was he even divorced?
Fellow sugarlanders spectulated and the plot began to get deeper. So what was he?
was he
a) telling the truth
b) A con artist
c) A guy who just wanted a quick shag and pawned me off with a worthless coin when i asked for money.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Random acts of Sugar
I ended the last post wondering what the relevance behind the antique coin was and when I was going to get my coinage. I will carry this on next post....but in the meantime: a brief interlude.
I titled this post Random Acts of Sugar....but it could also be called unsuspected sugar or unrequited sugar :)
Ive collected a few odd pieces of sugar without any expected returns. Here are a few examples from sugar searching before Director SD (who last 6mo) and before and during Mr.Coin who was never really a SD to begin with.
Mr Neurology:
we chatted about 3-4 times. He expressed his adoration for me and desire to meet me (he lived in sydney- I live in NZ). We share lame medical pickup jokes such as If I was Adenine Id choose U. (If you dont get it, its okay, your not meant to ;)) he sent me $350 NZ dollars in amazon vouchers. ..and then after chat four- he poofed- never to be heard from again.
APPROX FOUR HOURS OF CONVO= nearly $100 an hr
Mr Retired and lonely:
Same scenario. This time three hours and $300 in amazon vouchers
Mr Emergency Room:
One of my first sugar attempts. He was an ER doc in Sydney. We chatted for a little while and then arranged to meet. He got me return tickets and accomodation in my own name. I headed over for a long weekend over the summer term break. He decided I wasnt the one for him but reimbursed me with $1000 nZ dollars. PArt of this was spent on extra sightseeing and shopping while he worked but I banked $700. This was a huge credit to him however as we had only agreed on missed wages for the weekend (i usually work weekends) should it not work out.
APPROX ONE LUNCH: free holiday,shopping, 700 cash
and lately Ive been speaking to a pot who just gave me another $350 in amazon vouchers after an hr of conversation.
I AM AMAZONED OUT :P ......(but doubt itll last much more than a year of medschool!)
Disclaimer: I always ended to either meet these men or go through with an arrangement. The above were all poof daddies, excluding ER doc who didnt see a future but decided to help me out anyway and my recent pot who just 'felt like it'. (regardless of wether the meet is successfull)
I titled this post Random Acts of Sugar....but it could also be called unsuspected sugar or unrequited sugar :)
Ive collected a few odd pieces of sugar without any expected returns. Here are a few examples from sugar searching before Director SD (who last 6mo) and before and during Mr.Coin who was never really a SD to begin with.
Mr Neurology:
we chatted about 3-4 times. He expressed his adoration for me and desire to meet me (he lived in sydney- I live in NZ). We share lame medical pickup jokes such as If I was Adenine Id choose U. (If you dont get it, its okay, your not meant to ;)) he sent me $350 NZ dollars in amazon vouchers. ..and then after chat four- he poofed- never to be heard from again.
APPROX FOUR HOURS OF CONVO= nearly $100 an hr
Mr Retired and lonely:
Same scenario. This time three hours and $300 in amazon vouchers
Mr Emergency Room:
One of my first sugar attempts. He was an ER doc in Sydney. We chatted for a little while and then arranged to meet. He got me return tickets and accomodation in my own name. I headed over for a long weekend over the summer term break. He decided I wasnt the one for him but reimbursed me with $1000 nZ dollars. PArt of this was spent on extra sightseeing and shopping while he worked but I banked $700. This was a huge credit to him however as we had only agreed on missed wages for the weekend (i usually work weekends) should it not work out.
APPROX ONE LUNCH: free holiday,shopping, 700 cash
and lately Ive been speaking to a pot who just gave me another $350 in amazon vouchers after an hr of conversation.
I AM AMAZONED OUT :P ......(but doubt itll last much more than a year of medschool!)
Disclaimer: I always ended to either meet these men or go through with an arrangement. The above were all poof daddies, excluding ER doc who didnt see a future but decided to help me out anyway and my recent pot who just 'felt like it'. (regardless of wether the meet is successfull)
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The missing Coin - Part Four
Paying in antiques
my doubting led to cursing and anger.............this was the first time id been burnt and it stung.
I decided my sugar days were over, it was too risky......i felt used.
After a week of bitterness and avoidance of all males........i got a phone call one night whilst in the library. The number was blocked but it was him. Oh this was good I thought, I wonder what he has to say for himself. The small talk was agnoising, I dont know why but he figured id want to talk about 'how my day was, or what im doing in the weekend' .
Finally he cut to the chase......."Im sorry about the money, I have something I need to explain to you" can you do dinner on wednesday? Ill give you the cash then.
I told him "i wasnt sure and wanted to see it in my account first" (yes i was still irritated at him). He pleaded with me to just "trust him". I finally conceded in and agreed to meet him. If nothing else at least I may get my money, then i can up and leave. Sugar relationships are meant to be simple. this one was far too much drama and it had only been a week.
Wednesday rolled around and I met him at 'la porchetta' an italian restaurant on the waterfront.
My bitterness had motivated me to dress extra beautiful. I wanted him to realise just what he was about to lose. I picked a simple princess line dress in a deep purple and black kitten heels. I wore my long hair down. The blondness of my hair paired with the purple dress gave me a sultry, sexy look. I was ready to kill...literally?
We settled into dinner. my dress had the effect i desired; he couldn't keep his eyes off me.
Sitting down he sighed- grabbed my hand and proceeded to tell me the following tale:
"Im in the middle of a lawsuit with my company and just had to pay my lawyers bill, I dont have any money left over at present". "Just give me a bit more time".
I glanced sideways at him. "sure buddy......you were fine before, how coincidental?!"
He tries to explain the questions i direct at him but his explanations are vague.
Him: I know its coincidental
him: yes I know its strange I dont have savings but i've come out of a messy divorce a year back and lost most of my assets. After the divorce I went crazy and spent everything i had.
him: yes I get a high wage- but its mainly bonuses and commission. Because i''m in trouble at present my bonus and commission have stopped.
I got up gracefully from the table after finishing my meal (of course) and told him I had to leave. He pleaded with me, and pressed a coin into my hand
The coin was from 1648........apparently worth 3k.........apparently a token of his word.
But what use was a coin? and what about the real coinage he owed me?
was this the last id hear of him? was there something more to the coin?
the end?
my doubting led to cursing and anger.............this was the first time id been burnt and it stung.
I decided my sugar days were over, it was too risky......i felt used.
After a week of bitterness and avoidance of all males........i got a phone call one night whilst in the library. The number was blocked but it was him. Oh this was good I thought, I wonder what he has to say for himself. The small talk was agnoising, I dont know why but he figured id want to talk about 'how my day was, or what im doing in the weekend' .
Finally he cut to the chase......."Im sorry about the money, I have something I need to explain to you" can you do dinner on wednesday? Ill give you the cash then.
I told him "i wasnt sure and wanted to see it in my account first" (yes i was still irritated at him). He pleaded with me to just "trust him". I finally conceded in and agreed to meet him. If nothing else at least I may get my money, then i can up and leave. Sugar relationships are meant to be simple. this one was far too much drama and it had only been a week.
Wednesday rolled around and I met him at 'la porchetta' an italian restaurant on the waterfront.
My bitterness had motivated me to dress extra beautiful. I wanted him to realise just what he was about to lose. I picked a simple princess line dress in a deep purple and black kitten heels. I wore my long hair down. The blondness of my hair paired with the purple dress gave me a sultry, sexy look. I was ready to kill...literally?
We settled into dinner. my dress had the effect i desired; he couldn't keep his eyes off me.
Sitting down he sighed- grabbed my hand and proceeded to tell me the following tale:
"Im in the middle of a lawsuit with my company and just had to pay my lawyers bill, I dont have any money left over at present". "Just give me a bit more time".
I glanced sideways at him. "sure buddy......you were fine before, how coincidental?!"
He tries to explain the questions i direct at him but his explanations are vague.
Him: I know its coincidental
him: yes I know its strange I dont have savings but i've come out of a messy divorce a year back and lost most of my assets. After the divorce I went crazy and spent everything i had.
him: yes I get a high wage- but its mainly bonuses and commission. Because i''m in trouble at present my bonus and commission have stopped.
I got up gracefully from the table after finishing my meal (of course) and told him I had to leave. He pleaded with me, and pressed a coin into my hand
The coin was from 1648........apparently worth 3k.........apparently a token of his word.
But what use was a coin? and what about the real coinage he owed me?
was this the last id hear of him? was there something more to the coin?
the end?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
The Missing Coin, Part 3
Rose Coloured Glasses
The last post left me driving off to classes after a evening and night of fine wine, dessert and fantastic sex in a beautiful 5 star hotel. Driving my beaten up college car from the hotel, I felt as if in a pardox. I parked my car across from the medical school with the array of other beaten up cars. Here my car was at home; the slightly ding in the door from careless students and the slightly bended number plate was unnoticeable. No one would ever guess it received valet services and was parked between a BMW and a Mercedes. Its disguise, like mine, was good.
Come monday I eagerly checked my bank account but it still read negative 1000 dollars. my shoulders dropped- had I trusted him too easily? Doubts started to enter my mind.
I tried to call him a couple times, and sent a text message but heard nothing.
my rationalisation? hes busy, hes at work, his phone is off, hes in a meeting.
I was sure he had just gotten busy, or the money had bounced. Pherhaps I gave him the wrong account number. Afterall he was 'besotted' with me.......he would never risk losing me...right?
Finally at 1130 pm i received a text "sorry babe in syndey"
I replied instantly- phew- he was just busy-I had worried for nothing.
or had I? He didn't reply after that and he didn't mention money at all.
I sighed, feeling dejected. Perhaps it was just an illusion. This world felt disappointing.
Perhaps I was better off among the toyota's of this world- at least their reliable....
next: paying in antiques
The last post left me driving off to classes after a evening and night of fine wine, dessert and fantastic sex in a beautiful 5 star hotel. Driving my beaten up college car from the hotel, I felt as if in a pardox. I parked my car across from the medical school with the array of other beaten up cars. Here my car was at home; the slightly ding in the door from careless students and the slightly bended number plate was unnoticeable. No one would ever guess it received valet services and was parked between a BMW and a Mercedes. Its disguise, like mine, was good.
Come monday I eagerly checked my bank account but it still read negative 1000 dollars. my shoulders dropped- had I trusted him too easily? Doubts started to enter my mind.
I tried to call him a couple times, and sent a text message but heard nothing.
my rationalisation? hes busy, hes at work, his phone is off, hes in a meeting.
I was sure he had just gotten busy, or the money had bounced. Pherhaps I gave him the wrong account number. Afterall he was 'besotted' with me.......he would never risk losing me...right?
Finally at 1130 pm i received a text "sorry babe in syndey"
I replied instantly- phew- he was just busy-I had worried for nothing.
or had I? He didn't reply after that and he didn't mention money at all.
I sighed, feeling dejected. Perhaps it was just an illusion. This world felt disappointing.
Perhaps I was better off among the toyota's of this world- at least their reliable....
next: paying in antiques
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